It’s 2.00 AM. It’s chill in my room. Both the air conditioner and the ceiling fan are on. I am covering myself from head to toe with my bed sheet. I am feeling a bit cold. So I switch off the AC.
It’s 4.00 AM. Now, it’s suffocating. It always is, during this hot summer. Now I switch on the Air Conditioner using the remote control.
Whatever I do to make myself comfortable, I am unable to sleep.
I roll on the bed towards the sides. I look up straight at the fan. I take a deep breath. I try to take several slow and deep breaths. Still the same images in my mind, even if I close the eyes. Flashes of me reading the whatsapp conversations. Flashes of the fight that we had after I came to know about her.
My heart beat is mild, but it’s not rythmic, a sign of anxiety probably. I have got used to this. It’s been a while, it’s nearly 6 months, 6 months since my breakup with her. And 6 months since I had slept.
I still remember the day when I came to know that my girlfriend had cheated on me. The entire world crumbled right in front of me. I thought she was my only world. I had such a special place for hear in my heart. In fact, there has not been another girl in that heart before.
Yeah, first love. First love is so special because every damn feeling is fresh. The love, the pain that comes with love, the little fights, the big fights, the patch up after the fights, the hugs after the big fights, the love making after the fights, etc. etc. Everything feel so fresh. It always stays fresh in the memory. And that’s a problem when your first love turns nasty.
I still remember the day I saw her whatsapp conversations. I was shocked. I was shocked to see her messages to a friend of yours, whom I thought is only your friend. Never thought, he will be, but with benefits as well.
Why did she do this to me? I asked.
She blamed me for not giving attention. What the fuck? She got the best attention she deserved. Granted, our love wasn’t the same like it was started. But every love goes through this. Doesn’t it? That’s the storm every relationship has to go through and come out with flying colors. Didn’t she think so?
Maybe, she was happy with me. And she was just using me. She wasn’t looking for marriage material boyfriend. Maybe she was just looking for a boyfriend material. The kind where you roam together, have good company, love each other a little bit, have some hot steamy sex, go to movies together, vent out when you need emotional support, but no real commitments, like just a company, so to say. And once the time comes for marriage, call it quits and walk off with our own respective lives.
But I was serious and I was stupid. I trusted her. She could have been open with me. She could have just said that she wasn’t interested in a long term relationship. Instead, She chose to use the name of love to get what all she needed. If you had told the truth, yes, I would have been hurt. But I would have at least felt alive now. I could have at least slept in the 6 months. It’s been 6 months, without a single night of sleep.
What I do when I don’t get sleep for a long time. I begin to watch movies. I especially like the psychotic ones. Because I actually understand how a normal sane person, becomes so obsessed with something and becomes psychotic. Maybe, slowly, I am becoming psychotic as well.
It’s 8.00 AM and the alarm goes off. I got up from bed and obviously, didn’t sleep for a minute. My eyes are all fluffy, people usually ask me why am I looking so dull. What should I tell them?
Every morning, I wake up tired and frustrated. I wanted to put an end to all this. I desperately wanted sleep. I didn’t want to suffer for her mistake.
Next day, at 2.00 AM.
Today, I feel relieved and I could feel that I could sleep well tonight. Enough of this shit, now I can sleep peacefully, I thought and tried to sleep. Only the fan was switched on. A while ago, I switched off the AC.
At 3.00 AM.
I feel suffocated. Without opening my eyes, I search for the remote to my right. That’s when I feel my hand touching something and getting blocked. I move my hand to touch a sharp object, I remember it’s a knife. I open my eyes to see the knife pierced in my girlfriend’s stomach and that’s when I remember that she was also sleeping besides me. Yes, I put her to sleep, permanent sleep. Didn’t she deserve it for cheating me?
My hands got stained with her blood. I wiped it off in my shirt and searched for the remote. I reached for it and switched on the AC and slept. And today, I am sleeping peacefully.
Dear readers, please feel free to comment/critique my stories. It would be of immense help. In case you already don’t know, I am writing this as part of the A to Z short story challenge
Here are the other stories that I have written as part of this challenge :
Please do take your time to read and drop in your comments. Thanks.