I was at the office, thinking about the latest appraisal, sitting in front of my colleague and friend.
“Nothing is going right for me, at the moment” I said to my dear friend, Hitesh.“It’s ok Swetha. It’s alright. Why are you feeling so emotional for an appraisal?” he said.
“Yeah. It’s right. Leave it. We will talk something else.” I said.
“Are you having some personal problems?” he said.
I didn’t reply, as I didn’t know how would it feel. I thought it would be embarrassing to tell to a friend about my personal life. But I also thought, I wanted to tell this to someone.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t feel like it.” he said.
“No, not like that.” I said and then opened up to him about my family problem, my sick mom and dad, and my sinking relationship with my husband. And about how he would make me feel sick, make me feel disrespectful, wouldn’t care for my opinions and everything.
My friend patiently listened to all this and he didn’t have much advise to give at that point. I felt a bit relieved that I told it to someone instead of getting bottled up.
Finally, he kept his hand over my hand and said “Look, Swetha. Everything will be alright. You are a charming girl. You are a great independent woman, a strong woman, you shouldn’t go down like this. Come on, be your normal self, now cheer up and smile.”
That moment, I felt reassured by two things. One was his words and the other was his touch. That calm soothing touch. The kinda touch, that says “I am there for you, don’t worry.” The kinda touch that you expect from a romantic partner with whom you get emotionally involved, but which I was lacking, then.
I am sorry to admit, I was craving for some attention. Both emotional as well as physical. Emotionally, I felt at an all time low and it was months since I had any physical contact with me.
The more time I spent with Hitesh, I was liking him more and more. I was giving him signs, my eyes would tell that if he had observed closely. I would purposefully touch him every now and again, just the casual touch, that no one else could find it out, but the person could, if he paid close attention.
I knew it was all wrong, but when you are not in your senses, when you are made to feel pathetic by the one whom you love, you will be no longer in a position to think what’s right and what’s wrong. That’s how life is.
So, I wantedly spent more time with him. I leave office late in the pretext of having work, while I would spend more time with him at the cafeteria and would chat with him. Our whatsapp messaging also increased, it went from normal good morning, good night and some stupid forwards to some very personal emotional chats.
I felt like I could cross the line anytime, and I didn’t know how to stop. Or maybe deep inside, I didn’t want to stop.
But that dumb fellow didn’t recognize, or he was waiting for me to make the first move. Men too play their games, especially when they know someone likes them, they build the suspense, they pretend as if nothing happened, as if everything is so casual till they make the woman unbearable with her emotions.
So I thought, why not make the first move instead of playing mind games. So, one day, I asked him to take me out for some movie, he acknowledged.
In the movie, we kissed each other. I initiated it. Was it love? Was it lust? Was it the need for attention. I don’t know.
I knew he was also romantically inclined towards me, so my hands were touching his throughout, but that desire to do something greater overtook me. That’s when I kissed him.
Then he told me that he loved me, but he wasn’t sure about me. I didn’t know whether it was love. But I did tell I love you to him, at that moment.
The kiss was beautiful and it increased our thirst. Our thirst for each other. It also increased my craving for him to adore me, make me feel beautiful once again.
He sensed that and asked me “Can we go for a resort now?”
Immediately I said yes, without hesitation. Since he was my friend and probably still is, I knew he wouldn’t judge me, that’s why I was so open with him.
We cut short the movie, and headed to a resort.
During the entire travel, there were two me inside me. One me wanted to get rid of that thirst, despite knowing that I might regret it. The other me felt guilt and said, maybe I should get this sorted out within the family instead of doing something I would regret later.
I was pretty confused, but I didn’t show him.
We reached the resort, then we went into our room, we had another passionate kiss. During the kiss, I remembered my first kiss with my hubby, all the beautiful moments I had with my hubby. I didn’t know if it was right or wrong, that moment both the me’s were getting very distant from each other.
That’s when he got a call. From his dad, who lives in his native. We ignored at first and continued our kiss. But then, his dad kept on calling for nearly 4-5 times.
That’s when we thought it’s a good idea to speak to him and I asked him to speak.
While he was speaking, I got a minute to reflect my entire life. Is this really required now? Where is all this heading? Ok, assuming, I sleep with him today, how will it solve my problem? Is this the solution? Is there something I could sort it out with my hubby? At least I should give it a try. I started pondering.
A minute can be very crucial to one’s life. And so was that minute, for me. A minute, where I introspected on myself. A minute to reflect my entire life.
After that minute, I was a changed person. I regretted myself coming with my friend. After his call, I denied his advances. I did embarrass him, but as a friend, he did understand and he didn’t force me.
But our relationship wasn’t good after that, it became sour. I lost my friend. I realized, it’s never good to have a romantic relationship with a friend.
But I did work on my relationship with my husband. We talked, we fought, we went to counselling. If you think, what happened 15 years back, I should say I took a good decision that minute.
A minute can change your life. Just like the minute where my friend held his hand over me, changed my life, it took another minute to change it the opposite way. I am sure, I would have regretted if I had taken any other option and wouldn’t be happy.
Dear readers, please feel free to comment/critique my stories. It would be of immense help. In case you already don’t know, I am writing this as part of the A to Z short story challenge
Here are the other stories that I have written as part of this challenge :
Please do take your time to read and drop in your comments. Thanks.